“People do anything to be involved in everything
Inclusion is a hell of a drug
Some people have everything they probably ever wanted in life
And never have enough”
– Nas on “Everything“
We live in a society where we’re surrounded by noise. We see it everyday and hear it everywhere we go. It’s like you can’t avoid it. And with that, there comes judgement and a false sense of perfection. It’s a struggle to maintain your insanity among all of the outside voices. And you know what else? It can be a struggle to maintain your self esteem and confidence when you’re being devalued. It’s extremely difficult. But you know what? In times like these, you gotta remind yourself of your self worth.
Before I get ahead of myself, what’s up everyone? Welcome to the Ajaxxx.com February 2019 Opinions Column. For those that are new to the site, this is the place where I talk about what I’m feeling and what’s going on in my head. For those that are returning, welcome back. I feel very passionate about this month’s Opinions Column, so let’s do it.
I don’t know what it is, but people think they have the right to tell you who you are and who you’re supposed to be. Like (and excuse my language), who the fuck are they to tell you what you can and can’t do? They don’t know what you’ve been through, what you’ve learned, and what your ambitions are. You’re a product of your experiences and, most likely, you’ve been through a lot to get here. So then, if you have all these things going for you, why do people cast judgement on others and make them feel lesser? I can’t stand that and it drives me krazy.
It’s been a trying time for me over the last couple of days and I needed an outlet to get it out. While I wrote something in my notebook yesterday, I thought I’d also use this platform to vent. The negative things people tell you can linger, affect your decisions, and even influence how you treat others. It’s not cool. When I was “judged” by my peers, I felt surprised, disappointed, and hurt. For all the work I’ve put in, the constant learning I’m doing, and all the time (and overtime) I’ve invested, you would think someone would appreciate that. Instead, I’m judged for my shortcomings and blamed for other peoples’ mistakes. How does that work???
Initially, I was surprised. Then it weighed heavily on me. Afterwards, I spoke to a few people and felt a little better, but still affected. Today, I am somewhat angry while trying to understand things. And you know what else? I’m self-reflective today, recognizing my self worth.
For everything that someone claims you haven’t done, take pride in what you have done.
For everything that someone claims you don’t do, take pride in everything that you do.
And for every time that someone doubts you, take pride in what you’ve overcome to get here. It hasn’t always been an easy road but here you are.
It’s hard to even capture the words for how I feel. From underappreciated, to overlooked, to confused, I’m feeling a lot of things. But you know what? I need to remind myself that the judgement of others does not define who I am. YOU know what you’ve done (and are capable of doing) better than anyone else. So fuck these haters, b.
While I say that, let me also add that it isn’t easy. If words like this come from someone you trusted, it can sting. And without some type of explanation, you’re left wondering a lot of things. And even with clarity, it can still hurt and that feeling won’t magically go away right away. So what do do you?
Well, for one, don’t let that person live in your head rent-free. Secondly, take time for yourself. Whether that means blocking out the noise temporarily, putting your phone down, or just lying down for a few hours to reflect, sometimes getting away from it all can help. And third, practice being independent as much as possible in whatever capacity that you can. That’ll allow yourself to be s dependent and more free.
And of course, remind yourself of your self worth. You’re strong, you’re resilient, and there are things that you can do that nobody else can.
Until the next Opinions Column, y’all. Stay up, stay safe, and hold ya head. Ajaxxx signing out, peace.
Photo credit: QuotesBook.com
